45 on the front

Finding something on the back nine

45 on the Front.

I will turn 45 in August of this year (2024). That number evokes a lot of feelings. 45 means that I am older than Nolan Ryan was when he was my hero, throwing his 7^th and final no-hitter as an “old man” (44). It means that I am not as old as Jack Nicklaus when he won his final major (46).

45.

If it takes you 45 strokes to complete the first 9 holes in a round of golf, it means that for the first half you played what people often call “bogey golf”. For the majority of recreational golfers, this is not a bad way to start. While we all want to play better, to make more pars, to shoot lower scores, most golfers see a 45 on the front nine as evidence that they are playing respectable golf. After all, even the best golfers make bogeys sometimes, you just happened to do it 9 times in a row. There is a season in the life of a golfer where 45 feels like the basket into which you drop your bogeys, and pars and occasional double bogeys. It is a container that can hold even a few 6s so long as you save some space by collecting an occasional 4 or better. The word bogey even comes from this concept of being “ok”. If you were playing an imaginary opponent of average skill on a given hole where you would expect him to make 5, to make a 4 would mean that you would likely win that hole. The bogey-man is the phantom opponent-of-average-skill who we hope to beat as often as possible. To shoot 45 on 9 holes is to have tied the bogey-man all the way. Succinctly put, for most of a golfer’s life, they will be neither angry nor elated after shooting a 45 on the front. It means that if they make a few extra pars on the back, their total score will be less than 90 and all will be “ok”.

That is the way that golf goes for most people, for most of their life. The concept of par (which actually came along later) is meant to tell us how many strokes should be used to finish a hole with proper efficiency, allowing for two putts after reaching the green in 1, 2, or 3 shots, depending on the length of the hole. Par is usually 36 per side. Even though we no longer think of bogey as a phantom opponent in an imaginary match (we rarely even play real matches in the U.S.), we do still know that if we shoot a number in the 80s, then not all is lost. We beat back the dreaded “90” by at least 1 stroke.

But if you play long enough, there comes a time in your life as a golfer when (after adding up the numbers in the first 9 blank squares on the left) writing “45” on your card is not “ok” anymore. It means that if you hope to break 80, it will require you to shoot 34 on the inward nine. It means that maybe you are not who you thought you were, certainly not who you set out to be when you pegged your ball on the first tee. It means that if this trend continues… you are average. You are the imaginary average golfer. It means that maybe the 73 that you shot last week is what actually belongs in the Land-of-Make-Believe.

I am turning 45 in August. To try to force this into some kind of point-for-point life metaphor for a round of golf would be annoying and very confusing, if not impossible. First of all, 45 years is not likely the halfway point, and if it turns out to be then (by reaching 90) I would win by getting to +14 over the average life expectancy of the American male (76). Is that a win? And by that scale both my father and my father-in-law would have already “lost” by coming home in (-9) and (-13) respectively.  See what I mean? It does not work.

45.

I am thinking about 45 right now. It feels like it does mean something. Does it mean that I must come to terms with not being who I thought that I was? Not who I set out to be when I started out? Does it mean that if the trend continues that I am average. Is that even a bad thing? Does it mean that I am on the road to becoming just the imaginary opponent for my sons to compete against? I hope not.

45 makes me think…

I think I would like to make some birdies on the back side. I would like to be aggressive, to shoot for pins. To make more 3 than 6s.

If I am going to card an 85, I would like to do it by chasing the 79.

What is better than a golf pencil?